Sunday, April 29, 2007

Dramatis Reginae (Drama Queens) :D

Commisioned Rank (which is really rank) among Frankfurters:
Fahnenjunker / '' '' ... Unteroffizer / Fahnrich (basically all youngsters still in training)
Lieutenant ; Oberlieutenant
Major (not to be confused with Major de Camp ... a post usually filled by a general).
Oberst / Inhaber
Brigadier / Major General; / Lieutenant General; / General (I know, at this period, these titles are a tad anachronistic, but the functions existed already ... so it’s simpler to keep track this way)
Field Marshal
Captain General
Given an average of three to four years to save up for the purchase of a promotion, the occasional promotion for merit (or for knowing too much about your superior) will still engender a long career for somebody who wants to get to the top but who does not have Ducal patronage!

A: Frankszonian Generals, the top Brass (and do they have brass!):
* Lt. Gen. Oscar Meyer (2) (conservative, excellent in logistics and linear war);
* The Sultan of Swat (1)(Balkan mercenary, very important for the trade in Sesame Seeds) ;
* Lt. Gen. Pepperoni (an immigrant Italian family, very fussy ... Not from Salamis, which I think
is a Grecian town, but has family connections with Bologna ... ); Just promoted to command the
Wiener Front.
* The Baron von Ballpark (0) (a beefy fellow whom rumor has linked with the infamous Pigg
in a Blanket scandal);
* M. Gen. General Schwann (2+) ( a driving and romantic personality, very concerned with
mobility .... his units would get the Prussian double action bonus);
* General Braunsweiger (1) (a Deli-ight of the Brand Name Burgers Alliance, considered an
expert in combined arms operations, but often is kept in fixed fortifications where - tho highly
successful - his units often get sliced quite thinly).
* Brig. Nathan (0) (a brigadier who is often placed in charge of local militia and fortresses).
* General Bob Evans (1) (a Fried Corpse leader).
* Hzg Stanken Fhartz (1) (ruler of Frankszonia, superficially brassy, in maneuvers tends to be
silent but deadly).
* Granny Loomis the Queen Mother (2) ... she has a great interest in artillery and has seen to a
reform and an improvement in that branch of service.
* Stuftliana (0) ... the newly wed Duchess of Frankszonia, an exotic and hopefully fertile little
* Lady Rosenschnauz; (1) officially lady in waiting for Stuftliana, but is used for discrete
messages and rendevous. Remarkably devoted to her husband's fortune ....
* The Migraine ... uh ... Margravine Rhabbidiers (that's rabid ears, not rabbit ears!): (1) nasal
voiced gossip who travels a lot (she gives Granny Loomis headaches) ... but can be remarkably
silent when she wishes to employ her expensive ... ah ... expressive and vivacious beauty ....
* M. Gen. Ziegfeldt von Phaulie: (0) Wears a monocle on a silk cord.
Has solid tactical skills, but very "by the book." When pressed, however, will try something
unconventional "for the sport of it." He has a solid infantry record.
Fond of schnapps (2 hip flasks ... after all, one has two hips, Ja?).
At 45/50 years, just starting to grey and is quite a ladies man. Favorite arms: his right.
He is an inept engineer, but has a passion for attempting engineering projects.
(N.B.) Gen. Phaulie will take a morale check if ordered to withdraw ... if fails morale, roll D 6
1-3 = fall back one inch; 4-5 = dither for a turn, 6 = will attempt to lead troops in a charge.
Phaulie will also attempt to join any unit which does charge. If Phaulie is killed, his
half-brother takes charge immediately from the middle of the brigade instead of waiting four
* Francios l'Marquise de Hottatrot: (0) Lewd, plain looking but not fat; a gourmet but
flatulent. Maintains a couple of ballerinas and is very keen on dance. Devil may care, reckless,
audacious, etc cavalry man. Secretly fond of Rhine Wines.
Another tragic family secret is connected to some rumors:
a: he was born before his parents were married;
b: perhaps his real parents never did marry;
c: but his legal mom and dad dote on each other and are quite sensitive so he can't openly
research the problem ...
d: rumor also has it that his dandified legal father is more fond of young boys than girls ...
Brilliant at intrigue, he tends to be a major factor in Frankszonia undercover organs.
* Guiles, Count l'Beauphaup: (0) VERY LACE, ornate costume with high heels and makeup,
he was a protégé of the former Marquise de Hottatrot. Of course, he and the current Marquise
were childhood friends, and thus entered Frankszonia service together. Has some very well
appointed page boys, and is a noted ball room dancer. Known for his quick, mincing side step
maneuvers . Is a genius at supply and with siege guns. Usually, however, he is utilized on
diplomatic affairs.
* L'Haugen Bienz: (0) A scion of the Bienz family (Braun Bienz is also a noted member).
Considered a coarse and uneducated general, he is noted for his persistence, and has a reputation
for causing foes to run.
* Brig. Shlidelisht: (1) An erratic cavalry genius.
* Brigadier Feurstein: (0) hobby is fireworks.
* Oberst Pfallendaun: (0) financed by family brewery.
* Oberst Pfennighalter: (0)a man of great, compounded interests, usually organizes improved
militia units into reserve units.
* Oberst Rosenschnauz: (0) On the staff of Baron v. Ballpark, heavy (as in 300 lb) drinker.
* Brig. Hilligekine Brattmann: (0) a young athlete, got command via family connections.
(Note: for those with little Deutschspraken ... Hilligekine is a lousy way to spell, Holy Cow).

B: Wieners:

* Empress Teaser Hopsbier (flirtatious and tends to throw expensive parties, but really
cherishes her folks ... and her soldiers, especially the tall, young, athletic ones) ...
* Her protégé: Marsha, the Countess Dawn, considered by most to be an harmless coquette (who actually is a brilliant military tactician) who masquerades as a man in order to be:
* Maj. General Done: (2) Seems reserved and standoffish to his staff. He is extremely private
in his personal life and upholds very high standards of behavior. However, he often is
mysteriously gone when not on active campaign, and at these times nobody knows where he is.
He is known to be a confidante of the Empress and very influential in her program of military
* Feld Marshal Brownale (2) Boisterous and enthusiastic when in contact with the enemy. His
enthusiasm is shared with the troops with whom he likes to unofficially socialize. Has a
reputation for being able to rally units and to encourage dangerous assaults. He is a friend of Gen
Woad, the Baron Sipcup, or is that Hiccup?
* Prinz Joesipper: (0) hangs out with the cafe crowd. \
* Oberst Hasenpfeffer: (0) Impatient and peppery.
* Oberst Katzenhaus has also risen in the Wiener ranks due to exceptional services rendered.
* M. Gen. Schnitzelen: (0) classic case of prospering by being kicked upstairs.
* Oberst Spam is raising a jaeger regiment which he intends to flood into hostile areas.
* Waddle: (0)
* Schlogger: (0)
* Snorzen: (a Baltic SoF)
* Wilhelm von Shlickt (1) : A freikorps leader, he avoids open combat.
His dubious reputation in small wars leaves a stain on the honor of the army ... Likes cigars.
A real Wiener ....
** Unfortunately, I did not get the citation for these, but I was reading something on the net and
ran across Graf Otto von Botelauden and Henrich Wallpot von Passenheim. So ...
* Graf Blotto von Bottleladen: (0) Middle aged, subject to wild mood swings, uses a prince nez
as it reminds him of the view through the bottom of the bottle or stein. While flagrantly
promiscuous on campaign, when at home or on any non-combat mission is notoriously
passionate about family and Frau. Actually, his income is derived more from a successful
tavern and inn chain / franchise than from the minuscule hereditary lands.
und ....
* Ernst Hallpot von Pissenhelm.: (1) soldier of fortune. Works on time limited capitularies
only. While rigorously loyal during period of contract, he has been known to refuse renewals at
the last moment. Otherwise, a good jack of all trades militarily. He has excelled at organizing
supply trains, depots, and hospitals. Details of his lineage seem curiously malleable.
* Riergard v. Rottenbrat: (0) Irritable, duelist, pettifogging administrator.
* Picklemany (2): Competent. Good leader, but tends to be conservative in approach to
* Blumentwit (0)
* Grimsnifter (0)
* Sauerputz (0)
* Picklemany (2)
The Hungry forces include:
* Gen. Naggy (1)
* Eaterhasty: (1)

C: Cheesy Generals
* Roquefort (2): a devious, haughty and ruthless French soldier of fortune. Comparatively
immune to the wiles of women (not completely, just comparatively). Acts abruptly and often
violently to forward his mysterious goals or to demonstrate his sense of superiority.
* Von Ignatz (1) a practical leader. Concerned over the welfare of his troops and civilians.
Usually unfazed by tactical surprises and reverses. Has engineer's attitude: "whatever works."
* Gonzales St. Expedite (1) a brilliant cavalry leader. Often used to direct irregulars. Known
for surprising, sudden, and slashing raids. Will often taunt the hostile general either before or
after his raids.
* Magnus Musculus (0) a proponent of the offensive / defense in which the foe is enticed to
attack and then ambushed with superior forces or fire power. Known for great persistence
and furious assaults. While considered quite a ladies man, there are only a few dubious
scandals attached to his record. Likes to make broad, sweeping maneuvers against a foe's
flank or wing. Also is quite theatric in temperament. Usually wears a cloak. Can often be
distracted or decoyed out of position by quixotic quest imagination ....
* Michael O'Mauss (0) very popular with his troops and clients. Known for a cheery
disposition which refuses to submit to reverses. Also considered incredibly lucky by his foes.
He is an incurable romantic, but this leads him to permit his girl friend to often be endangered
by hostile action. Unfortunately, he frequently drives his officers to distraction by focusing on
petty and / or inconsequential details.
* Thomas Katt (0) and
* Jerome v. Trippen (2) a famous team, Katt usually handles the slower, larger regular units
while V. Trippen directs the light troops and irregulars. Generally popular with their troops,
they seem to have a habit of playing practical jokes at very awkward moments which has
frequently gotten them into trouble.
* Kirkenmaus (Promoted strictly on merit, considered quite impoverished by other Obersts)
* Gruyre,
* Appenzeller, (0)
* and Emmenthaler. (0)
You can't get cheesier than they are. (says the The Duke of Plaza Toro <1>)

D: Hungovers:
* Major General Bryant (1) (flamboyant and always hot dogging it, I think he should come from the Britischerwurst crowd ... and get the British aiming bonus for his units);
* Brig. Hormel v. Kitchenhof (0): aggressive .... "hey Diddle, Diddle; Straight up the Middle!"
* Roderick Woad, Earl of Hiccup: (1) : Dictatorial commander, very loyal to friends and
chivalric to ladies (has one great love he keeps secret). Thirsts for violence, highly aggressive
and is a duelist. Will always dash towards the sound of firing. Surrounded by sycophants and
misfits, which he keeps trying to train to elite status to be forlorn hopes.. .. in his
pseudo-Highlander regiment, the Black Skirts.
He loves to give bombastic speeches in which he denounces his foes as weaklings, milksops,
and namby-pambies. Secretly, he writes poetry ... very bad poetry. But he also writes satiric
limericks about his foes which he gets some loud sergeant to shout out over the field during
deployment ...
* Gen Fartingales: (1): A Britischerwurst cavalry brigadier ...
Fond of Pigg in beans, hot sauce, and flashy costume.
Known for his trick riding ... the most tricky being his ability to survive unsmudged some
otherwise catastrophic defeats ....
Good administrator and well rounded in military skills. \
* Colonel Bhull Pyle? Cuirassier- regt von Bhull/Phull ( SYW name )
* Colonel Gory Bowwowinhouse? Hussar- regt von Gorey ( SYW name ) (von Gorcy) von Bouwinghausen in 1763!

E: More names: all rated at (0)
Gaggunhewe (German "w")
Strongblut (Impulsive)
Eisenblau (a hard case)
Krautkopf (braggart, full of gas)

Units of note ("a" or "b" flat? Or, as Germans, "d flat"):

C: Frankfurters:
* The Porcelain Regt, dragoons (uniform lt blue coat, white cuffs, lapels and collar, lemon
yellow waistcoat an breeches or White coat, medium blue facings on cuff, label and Turnbacks.
Buff breeches and coat and a buff crossbelt. Red saddle with large white stripe with two blue
within the white.)
(currently painting white coat squadrons) (6) 15 figs, etc.
* Hillary's Hussies: Hussars (7) 16 figs, blue coat, red leggings and cuffs
* The Bombed Kennedy's (Bombardiers du Kennedy a siege artillery/engineer outfit).
* The Cellulose Scouts (a mounted rifles/light cavalry brigade).
* The Cellulite Cursers ... Cuirassiers; 14 figs (7) (a heavy cavalry brigade, white with blue
cuffs, etc., silver Cuirass).
* Vinny's Vincibles .... (in Pepperoni's division)
Cuirassiers, 14 figs (7)
* Evans' Fried Korps
* Nathan's Nationals
** Colonel Chickens Brigade (a leg infantry division).
* IR Chicken, Musket, 2 bats @ 12 figs rate (5) (Black coat, yellow small clothes, white lace)
* IR Relischer 2 bats @ 12 figs rate (5) (Black coat, yellow small clothes, green turnbacks)
* Hiese Hunde Hussies (a hot dog cav unit) @ 12 figs (7)
(Green coats, white fur, blue pants)
* IR Braunsbienz, (mustard, uh, musketeers) 2 bats @ 12 figs, Morale rating (5)
(Black with red turnbacks, white small clothes, lace)
* IR Foot Longs, 2 bats @ 12 , (5)
(Black with yellow turnbacks, ?small clothes, yellow lace)
** Der Zeizme Bundt Guard
* IR Summer Guard, 1 bat @ 12 figs, rate (7)
(Green, red turnbacks and tricorne (with white owl feather) , yellow small clothes)
* HC Reiters, Cuirassers, 14 figs, (8) : (Green coat, yellow short clothes, Red tricoren, white
owl's feather)
Grindediers, 2 bats @ 12 figs, rate (6)

Polish Reds ...

Also / shared with the Wieners, of course /
Frangipani Hussars (7)
According to Stephen Manley in “The War of the Austrian Succession: A Wargamer's Guide, Part II” on the Danish and German States armies the uniform of the Graf von Frangipani Hussar Regiment in Bavarian service was a "traditional uniform betraying their Hungarian origins" which I take to mean that the uniform was similar to the Austrian hussars'. That would include a
busby on the Hungarian pattern and color (brown I think, with a bag in the facing color).The details were yellow dolman, white frogging, dark blue cuff and pelisse with black fur trim on the latter,yellow breeches, dark blue schwrades, yellow boots. They had white leather equipment, black leather sabretasche, and a white, yellow, and "savoy blue" barrel sash. The saddle was covered with white sheepskin. The saddles and other horse furniture leather were black with brass metal fittings. The schabraque was dark blue, the border had a yellow dog's tooth pattern, and the blanket roll was dark blue. The shape of the schabraque had a rounded front corner and a drawn out pointed rear corner with a slight curve upward of the edge midway back, about where the circingle runs under the schabraque. The men were armed with carbine, pistols, and a curved saber.

The regiment was originally in Austrian service and taken over as a whole by Bavaria when the Austrian army demobilized in 1739 after the loss of the Turkish War. Note the clever timing of Austrian demobilization, just right to make them vulnerable to Fritz after the Emperor's death. Nominally the regiment had four squadrons of about 175 officers and men each. As with all
Horse and Musket period units, I suspect the actual official TO&E was "however many men answered roll call that morning". In June of 1745 the regiment was transferred to Dutch service. A second Bavarian Hussar regiment ended up at one squadron although it had a nominal four, before being incorporated into Frangipani.

D: Cheezers:
* Magnus Musculus (0)
Blue Cheese Gren 1 bat @ 18 figs * (6)
Medium Artillery 1 battery na
* Michael O'Mauss (0)
Quatrie Brie 1 bat @ 16 figs (5)
1 bat @ 12 figs (5)
(Whites, red sashes, blue turnbacks)
Yellows 1 bat @ 16 fogs (4)
(Whites, yellow Sombreros)
* Thomas Katt (0)
1st Kazekopf 2 bat @ 16 (5)
(Sepoys, khaki and dun)
Alte Kaze 2 bat @ 12 (5)
(Sepoys, white turbans, )

C: Gouda Brigades:
* Gruyre (0)
Green Cheezers 2 bat @ 12 (5)
Blue Cheezers 2 bat @ 12 (5)
* and Emmenthaler. (0)
Yellow Cheezers 2 bat @ 12 (5)
(British / Hanoverian figures with turnbacks etc. of the color)
Cheddar Grenediers 1 bat @ 12 (6)
Brig. Appenzeller,
Colby Cuirassiers 1 bat @ 12 (7)
(Cuirassiers Von Seydlitz, I think, yellow small clothes, black cuirass)

D: Hungovers:
Brig. Hormel v. Kitchenhof: (0)
RI 1st Futiles 2 bat @ 12 figs (5)
RI 2nd Futiles 2 bat @ 12 Figs (5)
Brig. Fartingales
1/5 Dragoons 1 bat @ 4 figs mntd.
16 figs dismnt* (6)
(More British figures: The 1/5 Dragoons = 5th Light).
* Cuirassier- regt von Bhull/Phull ( SYW name ) Red coats turned up with black,
with yellow metal buttons and a yellow cord on the shoulder. White
undergarments, Cuirasses worn over the waistcoat. Fur cap with yellow metal front plate.
In 1761, it was converted into a Dragoon Rgmt. Yellow coats with red
turnbacks and a yellow and red lace edging. Waistcoats were red and the belts white.
Thereafter, only dragoons, chevau-legers, and mounted jaeger regiments were
represented in the army.
Source: "Uniforms of the World" Knotel, Knotel and Seig, page 248-9
* Hussar- regt von Gorey ( SYW name ) (von Gorcy) von Bouwinghausen in 1763!
Disbanded in 1798. 14 Figs. (7)
Dolman and pelisse green; breeches red and loopings yellow. Collar and cuffs
black. The fur cap had a red bag; the sash and sabretache were red and yellow.
Belts were of fawn leather. After 1798 no further hussar rgmts were formed in
Wurtemburg. Same ref: P 251

E: Wieners:
* Cuirassiers De PToumaine, 12 figs (7)
* "The Rotten-Braaten" Chevau-Legers, 12 figs (7)
* Von Schlitz .Bozniaks lt. cav.1 bat @ 18 figs* (4)
* Bottleladen Drag Queens, MC, 2 bat @ 15 figs (6)
** The Hungry:Line:
IB 1 - 6 Hungry, fusilleers, @ 12 figs (5)
IB 7 (a) 16 figs (5)
Frontier Regts. 1 & 2, @ 1 bat @ 12 figs, skr (4)
@ 1 bat @ 11 figs, skr (4)
Jagers @ 1 bat @ 16 figs, skr, R (4)
Special Unit:
The Kaiser Salud Guard (Includes Cuirassiers, Wiener and Hungry Guard infantry, and

F: The Yellow Strippers:

1st Battalion:
Hot pink coats, turnbacks, cuffs, hats: frosted blue. Hot pants and boots: Ruby
2nd Battalion:
Coats: Frosted Blue, Turnbacks, cuffs, hats: Hot Pink; Hot Pants and boots: Sapphire
3rd Battalion:
Coats and Hats: Glossy Black ; Turnbacks and cuffs: crimson ; Hot pants and boots: Ruby
4th Battalion:
Coats and Hats: Pearl White ; Turnbacks and cuffs: scarlet ; Hot Pants and boots: Gold lame'
5th Battalion:
Coats: gold Lame' ; Hats: Pearl White ; Turnbacks and cuffs: White ;
Hot Pants and boots: Emerald
Unit names?
The Atlantic Troupe for the mount ... er .... cavalry
Maids of New Orleans ....
Barbary Coast Babes
The Vegas Line
The Rockettes
how about that dance company that was part of the Jackie Gleason show? June Taylor Dancers?


The Real Frankfurt's Territory

As you can see, the real Frankfurt is a fairly small entity, even though it survived the Napoleonic era as an independent "Imperial City" (along with three others, whose names escape me at the moment).
I suspect that both Frankfurter and Frankszonia would absorb the areas which sort of intrude into their district ... of course, that would the subject for a great series of war games ....

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Hysterical Frankfurter

As noted in a previous post, Hysterical Frankfurter is quite a bit different from Frankzonia.
Even though Frankfurt had been the place where the Emperor was confirmed and installed from at least the siege of 1551 or 52, Frankfurter has been overrun by the forces of Gallia.
Now Gallia is basically an hysterical France and is currently warring against Hesse-Seewald and Germania (an hysterical Prussia) with the aid of a player who is running his version of Austria.
I inadvertently posted some material from the player who runs Hesse-Seewald in "Bounding Frankzonia" which I have now deleted.
Hopefully, I will obtain permission and links from the other players of that campaign which employs a new rule set by Bill Protz. I think it's called "Battles of the Ancient Regime" and uses a lot of "old school" ideas along with modern tweaks. Anyway, they've had several battles of large armies ... not only with large orders of battle, but also with battalions represented by sixty (60) figures each! These are in 25 to 33 millimeter scale and thus have required large boards and day long games to resolve ... but the battle reports have been fun!
anyway, I'm off to cook supper ...
Marching on my stomach causes abdominable pain ...

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Hysterical Histories ... an intro ...

Introduction to Frankszonia
Hysterical Histories:
(start excerpted from a boring essay of the same title)

Connoisseurs of English history and literature will gleefully recall the text, “1066 and All That,” which was compiled by writers for “Punch” of all the English history “you could really remember.” Many of the sites, to which this is an unworthy contributor, are driven by the same whimsical response to the dreary history lessons (of the category so clearly recalled by the creator of the Harry Potter series) which are so often inflicted upon people by the educational establishment.
The difference between we creators of these fictional histories and other folks, however, is that we actually LIKE some things about history. The lurid and fascinating stories, the hardwood stage pageantry, and the opera buffet events which provide the real background to “real” history seem to us to provide an immeasurable toy box!
So we play, and we paint little toy soldiers and other characters, and we imagine our histories and current events, and we play. These games are not like chess for us. Chess players (and I am one) can get very serious and intense in their contests. There are wargamers who are intensely serious about their game and their subject matter, but in our realms, this is an enjoyable hobby with many aspects. The period known as “The Lace Wars” is actually a new area of study for me ... even though my Bachelor’s thesis had been on the art of fortification as practiced in this period. So, for me, I’ve been happily digging into a brand new toy box.

For the purveyors of this blog site, I am currently building armies of 15mm figures for playing with the rules “Koenig’s Krieg.” This rules set is difficult to obtain currently, as its creators and primary fans have been laboring over a new edition, but have had to delay publication. They have lives and this is a hobby. Few folks get rich from wargame rules. When you see a batch of cryptic letters and numbers in a post about the characters and forces engaged in one of my posts, those numbers will be intelligible to other players of Koenig’s Krieg ... and help me to keep track of my story line!

If you decide to inflict upon yourself the turgid philosophizing which the start of this bit generated ... take a gander at “An Essay” when I finally post it too.
Apologies for having written it, but since I had the headache, and misery loves company ....

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Bounding Frankszonia ....

16 July 2006
Frankszonia, some boundaries?
(Both the MOOving Frankszonia and the hysterical Frankfurt)

Capital, Frankfurters on Rye (Main)

Daisiac, Mooving Fictional:
Lying between the Rye and the Order rivers, around the Elbow and Plain rivers, Frankszonia is a
mostly agricultural country. Largely forested and dominated by the range of rounded extinct
volcanoes (the Buns), the country is famous for its whittled woodwork, its potable spirits (hence
the common name, Frank und Stein), and its meat processing plants. While the quality of its
fermented, brewed, and distilled beverages is quite potent, there never seems to be a large
surplus for export. Further, given the rather rocky nature of the territory, livestock are the
primary source for revenue.
The Buns do have their mineral value, however. Copper, lead, and tin are readily available and
smelted locally providing ample resources for the national craze for Oom-Pah bands .... So the
Franks have a lot of brass ....

Frankfurter on Rye .... With its rich farmlands in Wrigley Fields, its many craftsmen in Flatbush,
its beer halls in Busch Gardens, and of course the wine country around Wiener Schnitzel ... We'll
have to have some mine country ... Copper, lead, and tin are readily available and smelted
locally providing ample resources for the national craze for Oom-Pah bands .... So the Franks
have a lot of brass ....
My wife, of course, still wants to see the Cheese Circle present since her victory at Limburg.
Even though I pointed out that this meant that my poor impressed peasants would be struggling
with real Munsters, she insists that it would be Cheddar for the Britischerwurst Brigade and
still Gouda for the game.
Wrigley Field; Busch Gardens ; Ebbets Field ; Venable Stadt; Yankee Stadt; Fenway Park;
Jacobs Field\; Oriole Park / Camden Yards ; Candlestick Park; Kamenski Field / Park;
Schloss Glugawholestein;
Wiener (Capital of competing meat packing empire)
Wurstemburg ? Blutwurst? Britischerwurst (for my British figures)
Many inns / taverns called "Frank und Stein."

Rottenburg; Ratsanbones; Yikestadt.; Limburger ; Wiener; Muenster ; Edam; Gouda
Friendly towns:
Nerdlingen ; Bierhund Stadt ; Hungover ; Wurstinburger Stadt ; Frysland; Friedburger

Hysterical Frankfurter:
(which is vastly larger in territory than the HISTORICAL Frankfurt am Main) ....
Notice the Niederwald Tann Mountains to the North ... dominance of this massif would be vital
to Frankfurt security and a good portion of the plains beyond.
There's a gap in this massif from Anspatt to Schett where another mountain arises (can't find the
name for it yet) which falls away towards Fulda. So I suspect that we'd try to control it as well.
Whether or not Fulda is within our reach or not probably depends upon the good will of Hesse-
Seewald (Alas, the Bishophric of Fulda has formed his own force in order to protect his flock from the foreign forces brought in from Gallia and Hesse-Seewald). So perhaps the fictional Frankszonia would control Hesse - Darmstadt, up to Gnessen and perhaps over to Burd (there being a good road from one to the other). Also from Gnessen to the district of Wetzlar and Leun along the same road. The Lahn river which runs through Nassau etc. from Elm to Weilburg and on to Wetzlar would seem to be a natural boundary to the north.

Given that my wife clobbered me when fighting on behalf of the Cheese Faction, however, I
don't think that Frankzonia has any effective control that far north in Nassau.

On the left bank of the Main, Frankzonia would try to control the right bank of the Rhine ...
basically part of Hesse-Darmstadt again. It would like to push through Hannau to Aschaffenburg
... not only because Aschaffenburg is a good road nexus and crossing, but also because I like the
potential word play from Aschaffenburg!
I suppose, however, that my fellow wargamers would require to "win" these territories somehow. They lie far, far beyond the purview of any force projection which Frankszonia could provide!

In the interim, Frankfurter has been overrun and controlled by the armies of Gallia in their struggle for dominance in the area with Hesse-Seewald. Frankfurter is attempting to take advantage of this by purloining as much of the logistical materials being sent forward to support the Gallian forces (at least two big battles up by Fulda already) in their area as they can ... all under the guise, of course, of having to build up their local forces and capacity to sustain the Gallian occupation.
We’re grateful to the Gallians for their support of our dynasty, and those pesky brigands who keep raiding the supply trains are just terrorists of some Rosicrucian extremists who oppose the true will of the people .....

Arthur Pigg

Monday, April 16, 2007

Obviously, this blog is another of those burgeoning fictional or even fantastical "German" states from the sixteenth through the eighteenth centuries. Like most of the others, it began with a desire to play with toy soldiers on home made terrain (a step up from sandbox and toy soldiers, and less wearing on the knee caps!-- ).
I do hope to get links up soon to many of the other fantastic creations. Most of the others are quite keen on exhaustive military history, the traditions of miniatures wargaming, and the perfection of their skills in making, modifying, and especially painting their figures. Alas, while I am an history teacher, this is not the period of my specialty. Moreover, my age and health preclude my being able to attain to the marvelous and enviable standards most of the others achieve. On the other hand, I do enjoy funny stories, sarcasm, irony, and make believe.
I got drawn to this period due to certain myths about the genteel nature of warfare in Europe that developed, in part, due to the horrors of the Thirty Years War. Also, when I read in Frederick's own notes that he had come to hate war himself and had become quite defensive about his seizure of Silesia when he was a callow youth.
Just as the idea of the chivalric knight protecting the weak and the widow and the maiden veneers the reality of savage barbarian warriors ravening and raping their way around the world until economics, plagues, and gunpowder shot them down, the myth of the genteel warfare of the "Lace Wars" covers similar atrocities. On the other hand, those atrocities were seen as such and were usually acts of desperation or temporary loss of discipline and were widely condemned. When one played the game by the rules, the civil population suffered minimal displacement and destruction and defenders of fortresses marched home with bands and banners playing after yielding their position. The famous call, "Let the Gentleman of the English take the first fire." actually happened (as did its shrewd rejection ... but that's "real" history).
Now there will be much more fiction here, and hopefully much more fun as I engage in a series of Frankfurter Wars between the Frankfurters (Frankzonia), Wieners (Vienna), Worstinburgers, Brand Name Burgers (Brandenburg) and the various other Hamburgers as they deal with the ever wily Frank influence from the south through the Cheezers like Limburg. Even though their production is Gouda for the economy of the Frankfurters, it results in real Munsters taking the field against some peppery Brats .....

ON the other hand ...
there is going to be an inevitable delay generated by the most unfortunate catastrophe which flushed the Frankzonia files from the disk on which they had been collected. So in the next weeks, I hope to rebuild them (and perhaps recreate the last two rewrites which I doubt have been posted anywhere) and get them up here.
Meanwhile, I guess I'll have to go looking for a source of pretty pictures to keep up interest!


Tuesday, April 10, 2007

A Short History of Frankzonia

The prime problem in Germania just before and during our time period (the Eighteenth Century, from which derives the eternal problem of why are there always only eight buns for ten franks in a package) was the struggle between the various religious factions. The Frankfurter Bundt is quasi Papist ... this would be due to their deep reverence for St. Peter who uttered those transcendent prophecies:
"It's too early in the day to be drunk;" and "I'm going fishing."

It's true that various popes and other prelates have fulminated against the heretical intent and
behavior of Frankzonians, but they've always been willing to submit to a council and an auto de
fete .... seeing that a fete would be automatic. The famous seven Councils of Octoberfeasts have
all failed to declare any heresy. In fact, only three written documents seem to have survived fromthem. One is a completely illegible scrawl, one has been so fragmented by grease and beer spills as to be irretrievable, and the last, which is at least legible, rambles incoherently but seems to carry the primary import of "the problem is consigned to the nether regions, and like the Apostles, we're going fishing." As a consequence, the region is recognized as a separate rite (the Later in the Day Saints and the Anglers) within the communion.

Given that their fishing expeditions are usually confined to lugubrious trips to local rivers, the
catch remains small, though legends of great fish who got away abound. However, given the
sacredness of fishing, Frankszonia has always tried to maintain good relations with the Hanseatic
league. Also, they've a major thirst for imported wines ... depending on who controls the Rhine at
the moment. In exchange for this, of course, they trade copious amounts of beer, sausages, fishing lures, ceramics, glass ware (both of these usually as ornate steins), and slow cookers.

This unique theological stance, however, created a vis-a-vie between the Catholic and Protestant factions of Hungover and the Brandnameburgers (where they were especially appreciated at the capital, Barline). Furthermore, the connection with various Italian houses around Bologna has led to the establishment of the Picklemany family as a prominent participant in Frankfurter combinations. Moreover the constant need for pickles has generated an unusually tolerant atmosphere for their Kosher population (who dominate the Relischer Brigade) and also has facilitated Polish recruitment for the Kielbasa cavalry regiments.

These special political mixes enabled Frankszonia (capital: Frankfurter on Plain ... a river which flows into the Rye) to create a mix which could achieve some degree of autonomy between the more orthodox Wieners to the east and the more adulterous Franks to their south west (where such things as poultry {the poultroons} and other meats (the Frogs). Under the leadership of “Der Gross Fhartz” Frankszonia was able to establish a loose casing for their alliance called the Frankfurter Bund. Internal rivalries in the Bund, however, have been exploited by outside interest so that Frankszonia is now part of the Sacking interests as opposed to the Cheese faction led out of Limburger and Muenster, which is supported by the Frogs and Poltroons based in Gouda and Edam. Moreover, the increase in the power of Brandnameburgers and their allies, Worstinburgers has created a problem with the Wieners who are seeking to renew their natural alliance with Frankzonia.

Ever since the time of "Der Gross Fhartz,"the government has been dominated by concerns with
pork, supported by the huge oak forest for barrel wood and acorns. Since the time of Der Alte
Fhartz, however, Frankzonia has been looking into potentially more profitable livestock, such as
imported turkeys (some of whom have commanding positions) and cattle breeds. Given that
there is little desirable good grazing land in the forest, leading to the constant complaint in the
Assembly (Der Bundt): "Where's the Beef?", Frankzonia has begun seeking ways to acquire more lush meade lands.

This expansionist program, however, has driven Frankzonia into military rivalries with the
Cheese faction (Limburg, Munster, etc.) and the Wieners for dominance in the Burger Bundt. An alliance with the Hungovers, however, probably means that the resources of Hamburger will
support Frankzonia in this regional grinding.

Furthermore, the recent marriage arranged by the court magician, Ragodust, between young, rash Hzg Stanken Fhartz with the exotic oriental Stuftliana was completed thanks to the good offices of the Hungovers. Thus there is hope for many little Fhartzen munchkins.

Of course, there's the terrible scandal involving a Pigg in a blanket ....