Thursday, May 17, 2007

The Infamous Pigg in a Blanket Affair

The Pigg in the Blanket Affair at Pigg Hollow.

the conflict occurred in the County of Hops ....
Barons Cot and Tayle commanding, aided by the renowned Sir Wriggley
defending against the Wieners led by Count Chien and Marquis Faux and Lord Doggerel..
The battle, of course, fought at Clover Meadows, was a real thumper ...

Weiner objective, capture the notorious but invalid Sir Pigg and seize the crossings at Pigg Hollow in order to convoy a supply train of arms and munitions to Limburger and other Cheezey units.
Frankszonia objective is to hold the chateau and crossings until reinforced.
The Weiner commander is told only that overrunning this site will flank the Frankszonian forces and open a clear passage to the Cheezer camp.
The Frankszonia commander is also given a secret order to ensure that Sir Pigg and his nurse (a relative of Hertzhog Fahrtz) are brought safely away at all costs ... but Sir Pigg’s nurse has locked the doors into their chambers ...

Pigg Hollow:
C - n - C, Baron Cot at the chateau gate (Sir Pigg is disabled and in bed with his noble nurse).
* Baron Tayle commands The Cellulite Cursers
* Baron Cot, commands from Chateau Hogmount
Grinderdiers, 2 battalions of grenadiers
Inf. Regt. Braunsbienz
a Battery of light guns
* Sir Wriggley is charged with holding the chateau’s park .
Inf. Regt. Foot Longs
Pigg’s Fried Corpse inf.
and a battalion of Jaeger rifles
a battery of light guns at the corner of the park and also inside the Chateau.

*Count Chien
Von Schlitz .Bozniaks lt. cav.
battery of horse artillery
*Marquis Faux
regts. 1-4 of the Hungryman Line infantry
a converged battalion of grenadiers
battery of light artillery
* Lord Doggerel
one battalion grenadiers
Regt. 5 Hungryman
battery of light artillery

The Field:
The Chateau Hogmount is on the southwest corner of a narrow plateau.

The plateau is bounded on the south by a deep ravine filled with dense shrubbery and scrubby trees, on the north by a steeply sloping vineyard, and on the west by the deep, wooded Pigg Hollow. The eastern approach is a fairly smooth rise. Pigg Hollow itself holds the fast flowing Hogs Run. A road runs east to west, passing the front of Chateau Hogmount and descends into Pigg Hollow to Deer Crossing and back up over Turtle Shell Knob (not on table).
While the Chateau itself is fairly close to the west center of the plateau, it sits in the middle of the north wall of an extensive, walled park which extends about two hundred yards west to the ravine, two hundred yards north to the crest of Pigg Hollow, and about one hundred yards east.
The rest of the plateau is basically a big hay field.

The Affair:
The Frankszonian forces begin in a dispersed and disordered state except for one battalion of Grenadiers in the Chateau itself and the Jaeger battalion on the east crest of the plateau. The Cuirassiers are camped by Deer Crossing. The rest of Cot’s Brigade are camped across the road from the Chateau, except for the artillery which is in a small earthwork east of the camp. Sir Wriggley’s brigade is dispersed about the park except for the artillery which is emplaced at the northeast corner of the park covering the road and eastern hayfields.

The Wiener’s appear suddenly below the eastern slope, emerging from an open woods and orchard already deployed with Faux’s brigade leading, followed by General Chien, followed by Lord Doggerel. Their musicians are playing “Tally Ho!”

1: Baron Cot immediately dispatches a messenger to Baron Tayle and rushes forward to rally and to deploy his brigade. Since Sir Pigg is ailing and is closeted with his nurse, Buns, Sir Wriggley gets the Freid Corpse (after much grousing and cursing for interrupting their lunch) to deploy along the eastern wall of the park. The jaegers fall back, skirmishing.
2: As Cot’s brigade forms up, the Wiener’s advance up the hill and onto the plateau. Meanwhile, Wriggley rallies his regulars (who assemble in the furthest corner of the park) and Tayle begins mustering his horsemen. Responding to the uproar, Buns locks the doors to their chambers, insisting that Sir Pigg must finish his therapy before being disturbed.
3: Cot gets the battalion of grenadiers that was in camp to advance to support the Jaegers while he forms the line infantry between the road and the vineyard. The Wieners advance in a long line, and begin to exchange volleys with the Frankszonians. Faux deploys his artillery to cover Cot’s earthwork.
4: Chien arrives at the firing line and crying, “take the bore down, my dogs!” orders regts. 1 & 2 to advance against the grenadiers and jaegers while 3 & 4 are sent against the park wall. Tayle is now formed and rallied, but Cot orders him to remain out of sight for now. Frankszonian infantry maintain their fire.
5: Wriggley orders his artillery to fire in support of Cot’s grenadiers, also, Cot’s artillery opens up on the advancing Wieners. This enables Cot to withdraw the jaegers and the grenadiers behind his line infantry. The Wiener assault on the park, however, is stalled by point blank firing and hand to hand fighting ferociously maintained by uncouth Fried Corpse.
6: Cot exchanges the jaegers for the grenadiers in the chateau. This movement causes Sir Pigg to emerge from his chambers, leaning on a cane and naked but for the bright blanket wrapped about him. Faux, regts. 1 & 2 having pushed past the line of the park wall, orders his grenadiers to assault the northern stretch of the park wall between the Chateau and the eastern corner. The Wieners along the eastern wall, however, recoil from the violence (and general non-civility and stench) of the Fried Corpse. Then Buns emerges “deshabille,” and the vision of her fair, bounteous bosom at a high window throws Faux’s grenadiers into a momentary disorder. Even while their sergeants are trying to regain control, they chopped up by the cross fire of the Frankszonian batteries in the park and the chateau. As they fall back to reform, some of the underofficers and sergeants are seen to raise their hats in salute to the fair lass.
7: Wriggley pulls the Fried Corpse back to the southern side of the park to rally and finally manages to get the line infantry to hold the park wall from the southeast corner to the chateau. Doggerel curses regts. 3&4 for cowardice and shoulders them aside with his own infantry. He also moves up his artillery and obtains the horse artillery from Chien to attempt to breach the east wall of the park. Meanwhile, Faux continues to press the outnumbered line of Cot’s infantry, Chien orders his Bozniacks to charge Cot’s guns and break Cot’s line. Chien, himself, goes to rally regts. 3&4.
8: The Wiener artillery does manage to blow some gaps in the park wall. The Bozniaks swarm over Cot’s guns and burst through a line battalion, but recoil from the grenadiers. Tayle, seeing Wiener cavalry has now engaged, comes up over the brow of the plateau. A stray shot knocks Sir Pigg’s cane out of his hands. Sir Pigg angrily responds by peeing out a window, shouting, “I can shoot straighter with this!”
9: Wriggley manages to reinforce the line along the eastern park wall with one rallied battalion of Fried Corpse (the other battalion insists that it must still prepare ammunition and regroup ... at the farthest point in the park) just as all the Wiener grenadiers again dash forward against it. Cot’s infantry line begins to fall back in disorder, and at the same time, the Wiener jaegers are ordered to go up the ravine to outflank the infantry defending the park.
10: Tayle charges! His cuirassiers ride over the Bozniaks and catching a Hungryman battalion obliquely thunder through it as well. The battery and jaegers in the chateau, under the command of Sir Pigg (still naked and wrapped in a blanket but flushed with effort), again manage to throw back the grenadiers attacking near them, but elsewhere the Wieners manage to make several penetrations into the park.
11: Wriggley manages to turn the battalion facing north beside the chateau into the melee along the east wall. They are cheered on by Sir Pigg, who, forgetting his state of undress, whirls his blanket wildly overhead! As Tayle advances, 1st Hungryman simply disintegrates into the vineyard, and Tayle turns the Cuirassiers towards the remainder of Faux’s line. Cot shouts, “we’re kicking them out of here!” and also throws his grenadiers against the rest of Faux’s line. Meanwhile, the Wiener jaegers scrambling up the ravine to the park wall are discovered by a soldier relieving himself. The battered but rallied Fried Corpse battalion there easily barbeques the Wieners.
12: General Chien forms what rallied infantry he can into a large square while the rest of Faux’s brigade scatters. Lord Doggerel manages to pull his forces back and withdraws towards the east behind the cover of Chien’s square. Wriggley rallies his forces and regains the wall at all points. Cot continues his advance towards Chien’s square while Tayle tries to swing around it to pursue.
13: Surrounded by hostile infantry and under fire from two batteries, Chien’s square is shot down like a dog. Its sacrifice, however, enables Doggerel’s forces to gain cover though closely shadowed by Tayle’s cavalry. Buns grabs Sir Pigg and pushes him back into his chambers for a bath.

No comments: